hey out there, can anyone here me?

why is chris avoiding me? i'm hearing it's because of link, link-y-poo, you wouldn't be giving our dear lil chris over there an ultimatum are you? i didn't think you were that type of person. but that's what i'm being told. SEVEN MORE DAYS, AND I'LL BE HOME!!! can't wait!! went and saw freddy vs jason monday night. awesome movie (big freddy fan for those who don't know)! i want to go see american wedding but i'm broke. stay that way nowadays. i made so much $$$ as a civilian. now, uh-uh. at least i get free housing, electricity, water, and discounts on about everything. it's almost worth it. nah, i'm not doing too shabby at all. this is a lot of fun. i would try recruiting all 'ya but i honestly don't think you could handle boot camp, i was barely able to m'self and i'm among the stronger ones of the group, if i do say so m'self. besides, if i never joined the navy i'd still be with dan. you lose almost everyone when you put everything on hold to pursue your dreams. (even though that person told you to go)therapy has been helping a lot. i've been a lot happier lately. i still get upset thinking of my ex but i'm almost through with my grieving process. my doc had me write him a letter, it was 18 pages long! i'll never send it, but with his help, i was able to see things that i never did before. like the fact it should have been over the night he tried committing suicide at crystal's house after dropping me off on our first date and going there to plead to get her back. yeah...i changed that night but i'm back to being me. maybe i'll send it to amanda instead...just kidding. the kiddo has to learn for herself, and i have to let her and just be there for her whether she fails or succeeds, right? that would be something of true friendship, eh? her and my ex-fiancee walk down the aisle and i'm there to try catching the bouquet. that would really be ironic.i haven't talked to crystal in almost two weeks, i miss her so much but i'm afraid to call her now. she's not very forgiving. i just got my house phone turned on so now i can call her. i'm proud of m'self. haven't talked to daniel since he and i fought, been a couple of weeks. a few doc visits at the mental ward and half a bottle of antidepressants later and i'm fine, or as close as could be considering how in love with him i've been and how hard i fought for him. i just don't want to fight for him anymore, i may be making the same mistake that stephen made with me, but i think the big mistake occurred a long time ago. karma...i swear if i ever catch her walking down the street, i'm gonna jack her up. if she happens to walking with fate, that's even better. two for one. i say that because amanda did to me what i did to crystal. now i have to be as big of a person as crystal was and forgive her, at least for my sake. atop of that, it's paying me back for a mistake i made a long time ago. had to do with a red headed kim and smooth-talker named lonnie. i was 16, he was 22. sounds familiar huh? kim thought she had him and didn't even see me coming until lonnie took me on a date and didn't even bother to call her and cancel their's. see, i'm really not a nice person. anyway, karma is part of my belief as a buddhist. i have to accept my punishment, learn my lesson, and never make the same mistake again or the next lesson will be even more harsh. so i'll be okay. i have my faith and i'll pick up my head and trudge on even if there is nobody beside me to talk to along the way. i don't need anybody but my family and my best friends anyway. and they'll never leave me (if they would, they'd have done it by now. wouldn't you stephen and amber?) anyway, i'm gonna go now, think i've b!tched enough. love you guys.~Red