today was harsh...

well, i took my test today. it was so hard! i made a 72.9%!!! i couldn't believe it, but considering i missed three out of five lectures, i guess it's just a good thing i passed.i also went to see my psychologist today. he's such a nice guy. he did a psychoanalysis on me and we discovered i'm four points shy from being manic depressive. i go back next week for bi-polar analysis. i always knew i was f*cked in the head, this just proves it. my stress level is skyrocketing though. i have been having muscle spasms in my stomach, a headache that's been attacking me since last wednesday, and i have an ulcer. i'm 18 yrs old and i have an ulcer! so many things are going wrong and i can't fix them. and it's not just dan but my family, stephen, and my secret. i have a lot on my plate, anyone hungry? but i guess there are a few good things going on too. i can't think of any right now but i'm sure they're there. my secret could be considered good but it's still stressful. wanna know something weird? not only do i see the psycho doc twice a week but now i have not one but two different group therapy sessions i have to attend every week. one is to learn to relax and the other is to learn how to behave! nah... he says i have a reliance and dependecy issue where i feel like if everything isn't perfect it's my fault, or i have to fix it. also i have an anxiety control, or lack thereof i have to deal with. the thing that really scares me is that he wants me to bring him some things i've written recently. y'all wanna see?Only No Tears Appear Once alive, my heart did thrive;love at some point had a place. Now since bitten, my heart's been ridden;i've lost love, now life, no trace. Tears of dust, only instinct i trust;a burden much easier, pleasure to bear. A pact with the devil, in comfort i revel;for i am the heartless, darkness my lair.~stacey michelle****************************************************************MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, DEAR?I HATE WHO I AM THESE DAYS.I WAS LOSING ME, USING YOU TO FILL THE SPACE.I NEVER DID FIND THAT SENSE OF PEACE.THE LESSON WAS HARD TO LEARN,BUT EASY TO TEACH.I'M A STRANGER WITHIN MY OWN SKIN.IT'S ONLY LOSS THAT I FIND MYSELF IN.LOOK WHAT WAS SACRIFICED FOR YOU.WHEN HOPE IS GONE, FAITH'S A SORE VIEW.~STACEY MICHELLE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FrankensteinI only wanted you to love me, do i still not deserve it after all this time? Do you realize, in my mission to obtain your love and your acceptance, I've lost everything that could tempt you to fall in love with me? Now I'm an object of attraction and lust to others but it makes me sick. They don't want me. They want this entity, this mutation of the real me. This creation you've made but take no pride in. Dr. Frankenstien. Close, but not quite. Though I am nothing more than an accident. You do try to hide from me, and I do wish for nothing more than your acceptance of the person you've made me. Every man who loves me from here on out will love your monster. Your creature of shame and rejection.~Stacey Michelle+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Please Love Me In ReturnI'll be there for you as you smile,I'll be there for you as you cry.I'll appreciate you when you're honest,I'll forgive you when you must lie.Every morning you'll awake beside me,At night you'll never wonder where i might be.I'll help build our world beside you,And lay it out before your feet.~Stacey Michelle###################################################################just keep telling yourself that....it's just one more goodbye, and what's one more goodbye when i've said it all my life? it's just one my heart ache, and what's one more heartache when i've felt it all my life? it's just one more tear drop, and what's one more tear drop, when i've cried them all my life? it's just one lonely night, and what's one more lonely night when i've faced them all my life? it's one more, not the first, not the last. merely one more.~stacey michelle^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^what'ch'ya think?~red